Monday, May 30, 2011

Struggling with Fear

Generally speaking, I think I tend to be a sappy person.  I don’t display my emotions publicly well, but many a times, my emotions get the better of me.  Today was one of those days where I was reminded of Timothy’s sickness.  My husband has been traveling for work quite often.  So on weekends, he tries to play with the kids as much as possible.  Today, being a Memorial Day, we decided to go to the Strawberry Festival.  I was a little skeptical of the idea.  I was thinking more along the lines of a fair, with petting zoo, hay and other forbidden environments for Timothy.  But after studying its website thoroughly, looking at ALL the pictures, it seemed safe enough.  We ventured out in hopes the kids would have a great time.

When we got there, this is what I saw, just the old grass part:


Instead of focusing on this:


and this, like any normal person would…


I couldn’t.  Everywhere I looked, all I focused on was scenes like this:


All I kept thinking was, “Is this grass moldy?  Are there any fungal spores?  Why does this place smell like hay?”  We walked around wondering if this place was safe for Timothy.  Did he breathe in any fungal spores?  After a quick tour, we decided to split up.  I volunteered to take Timothy to look at the vendor stores (where there were no grass nor the smell), while my husband took Claire for some rides.  Our family outing didn’t turn out the way I expected.  It wasn’t family time :(.  But at least we were relieved to keep Timothy away from potential danger zones. 

This is what Timothy and I did:


We hung out by the restrooms.  It was a nice shaded area to rest.  Here we are:


Timothy was happy… because I gave him snacks :).  He just needs food to make him happy.


At one point, I saw Timothy drooling while watching the neighboring people eat their strawberries.  I missed taking the picture by a second.

After strolling around and “resting” at our rest area for a while, the family was united again.  Good thing Timothy is young enough and he didn’t know what he missed out.  On the other hand, Claire absolutely LOVED riding some of the rides.  At least she had a good time.

I am relieved the day is over.  My husband and I were a bit stressed.  I prayed tonight Timothy wouldn’t get sick.  I may have been overly cautious and have worried for nothing… I hope so.  But I do struggle with living in fear.  This is my lot, our family’s lot for now.  There will be times like today, but next time I hope to have a more positive attitude. 

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly how you are feeling. The anxiety will get better over time, although Caleb is now 5 and I still get nervous about taking him places we haven't been to. Praying for you and your sweet family!