I have a very overactive imagination. My husband says I watch too much TV. But it’s actually very seasonal. For a long time, I had band myself from watching TV and movies, because I didn’t like the effects it had on me. But what I have watched from the past have left vivid images in my mind, both pleasant and not so pleasant.
Often times, my thoughts wander aimlessly as I ponder upon the future. Sometimes, my active imaginations take over and my mind starts to panic thinking about the worst, especially regarding my kids and husband. I don’t want to spell out any of these, because they would sound crazy, I am sure. Also, I am terrified of uttering them out loud because I feel like I would somehow ‘jinx’ myself. I know, this is very contrary to my principled beliefs I hold on to. But when I get into one of these moods, I really anguish about the worst in this life. We only need to watch the news to see the rampant evil, corruption and tragedies of life.
Recently, my thoughts have been preoccupied with pain and death. Death is all around us. We see it in the recent devastation in Japan. We see it in our personal lives. I see it in my personal circle of friends. It is heart-breakingly sad. In the midst of my grief, I realized something important. The reality of heaven became real. In light of this realization, all my irrational fears dissipated. Even if the worst happens to my kids, this world is not the end. There’s heaven to look forward to. This hope released my anxieties and paranoia. And I realized how urgent it is for me to share this hope with my children everyday so they may grow up knowing this truth. It gave me a renewed sense of conviction and purpose. I am at peace and I wish this peace for my kids. This world is not our home. As my former pastor put it, my suffering friend is ‘going home’.