I received the official word today. Timothy’s donor is cleared and the transplant is scheduled for February 8th. He will be admitted this Sunday and start his preparative regimen on Monday. All of the pre-transplant screening (EKG, chest x-ray, GFR, ECHO, and labs) for Timothy came out normal. He is in optimal health. But to be honest, I don’t feel relieved nor ‘excited’. It’s actually a very strange feeling. Trepidation and anxiety, mixed with numbness, perhaps? Or facing the reality of my son’s disease once again? It doesn’t seem real, but it’s happening this weekend. Maybe I just don’t know how to release my fear. The past few days, as we have made several trips to the hospital, I held him a little tighter and closer. I find myself staring at him a tad bit longer to study his face, his features. I try to soak in his energy, youthfulness and personality. I am just trying to hold on to him… fearing the unknown future. It’s beginning. And it’s getting hard. I want to ask one more time, if we are making the right decision. I want assurance it will turn out okay.
I love you, Timothy, as I have said this to you a million times this week. Please pull through this without being scathed.