Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Confirmed and Cleared

I received the official word today.  Timothy’s donor is cleared and the transplant is scheduled for February 8th.  He will be admitted this Sunday and start his preparative regimen on Monday.  All of the pre-transplant screening (EKG, chest x-ray, GFR, ECHO, and labs) for Timothy came out normal.  He is in optimal health.  But to be honest, I don’t feel relieved nor ‘excited’.  It’s actually a very strange feeling.  Trepidation and anxiety, mixed with numbness, perhaps?  Or facing the reality of my son’s disease once again?  It doesn’t seem real, but it’s happening this weekend.  Maybe I just don’t know how to release my fear.  The past few days, as we have made several trips to the hospital, I held him a little tighter and closer.  I find myself staring at him a tad bit longer to study his face, his features.  I try to soak in his energy, youthfulness and personality.  I am just trying to hold on to him… fearing the unknown future.  It’s beginning.  And it’s getting hard.  I want to ask one more time, if we are making the right decision.  I want assurance it will turn out okay.

I love you, Timothy, as I have said this to you a million times this week.  Please pull through this without being scathed.


  1. As a mother myself now, I can understand your fears, thus causing me to pray a lot more earnestly and faithfully. "The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know Your name put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." Psalms 9:9-10 . May God's promises give you strength today and in the days to come. Big hugs all around, especially to you Alice!

  2. Prayers! Prayers! Prayers! You are stronger than you think and will get through this. Just take it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. Keep your eyes on the prize. HE will get you through this.

    Sending hugs,

  3. Hi Alice,
    It sounds like things are progressing as it should so far, and I'm so glad to hear that Timothy has been tolerating the tests/procedures without any significant problems - what a trooper. You guys are providing the best treatments for Timothy, and the decision you made for him is the one that any parent would have made, I feel, for the chance of cure...I'm thinking of you guys and praying for Timothy's strength and healing.

  4. This is great news, Alice. Of course there will be trepidation. But we will be praying, and we're excited for you.

    Pastor SooSang Park
    San Jose New Hope Church

  5. Alice. I love you. I can't even imagine what you are experiencing, so I pray that God will give you peace and wisdom though all this. Praying for you.