Then Job answered the Lord and said, “I know that You can do all things, And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted. ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.” ‘Hear, now, and I will speak; I will ask You, and You instruct me.’ “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees You; therefore I retract, and I repent in dust and ashes.” Job 42:1-6
Who am I to question God? I am a mere creation. And God Almighty holds me in His loving arms and knows best. I have been in constant battle this week. Battle within. And I have lost. I know not my God’s perfect plan and intention, and yet I tried to understand. My faith was thrown out the window this week trying to be in control. I obsessed over questions and data to figure out the future for my son. I was overwhelmed with stress, uncertainty and fear. There was no faith nor trust. And in His vast and kind mercy, He led me to repentance. I felt so small. And I am. Being reminded of His Sovereignty was liberating. I finally felt peace.
Whether infection or not, BMT or not, suffering and pain or not, life or death… this life is bigger than me. It’s bigger than Timothy’s illness. And everything will be perfect, because our God is perfect. His love and plan is beyond our understanding. I have hope. I have peace. Help me remember this when I forget.
Timothy, you are created in God’s perfect image and He loves you more than you know… Remember this when you are struggling…
He really is perfect! It was really fun to have watched Eleanor and Timothy interact with each other a bit at Little Prince Cafe the other day. :) Alice, thanks for being so honest and real. Even through your pain and fears, God is using you to testify of His power and goodness in the way you raise your kids, the way you carry yourself and interact with others! What beautiful testimony of faith. :)ReplyDelete
Ditto to what Claudia said! =) I want to give you a big hug Alice!!!!!!! I love that picture of Timothy. He never fails to brighten up my day with that cute, chubby smile of his!ReplyDelete
i LOVE that smile!!!!ReplyDelete
hi alice. i lifted up a prayer for you guys tonight after i read timothy's profile on the bone marrow match website. seeing timothy's picture there made me cry...somehow it just made it more real and heartbreaking. may God have mercy.ReplyDelete